Next, to love, forgiveness is the most misunderstood word in the human language. Forgiveness has been twisted by a lack of awareness as to how it functions. To forgive does not mean we must rejoin with our ex-lovers, free criminals from prisons, return to old jobs or anything else absurd. We are taught to believe that if we are to forgive the one who hurt us, it must manifest in some form of behavior, and it reflects weakness.
Forgiveness is a function of love. Love is for-giving.
You seek to understand the negative impact of another person and then to release the pain and find inner peace. When you choose to forgive somebody, this does not mean that you acknowledge their cruel behavior as acceptable, for doing this would be dishonest. Above all, it does not mean that we assume a superior (holier than thou) attitude to pardon the sins others.
Let's explore the secrets of forgiveness.
The meaning of the verb forgive, translates into "to let go," which is the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the release of negative feelings given to you by another. It is your responsibility to let go of the hurt that another produces for you. The other person can apologize to you for their negative impact, but you still have to let go of the hurt feelings for forgiveness to become a healing experience.
What makes forgiveness so difficult, for so many?
The greatest obstacle in the living of our life is the negative ego, which loves to hold onto a grudge and is our most significant source of resistance toward forgiveness. Our negative ego is what blocks our happiness and peace of mind. We carry within us grudges, bitterness, and resentment that later manifests into stress, ulcers, and poor health conditions. Ultimately, we have a choice to support our EGO or our SOUL, to be RIGHT or find PEACE.
Forgiveness like all other soul qualities (peace, love, innocence, oneness, and passion) does not require a type of behavior. It begins with a relinquishing of emotional baggage and the choice to function from your Soul vs. your negative ego.
Forgiveness is a willingness to perceive everyone, including yourself, as either expressing love or feeling a need for more love. It is a relinquishing of a harmful train of thought. Forgiveness offers the freedom to live a full and harmonious life.
The bi-product of forgiveness is our own willingness and ability to forget.
If we can not seem to forget, then we have not completely let go. Holding on to the pain from our past only weaken us and produces struggle and misery. The purpose of forgetting is to prevent the mind from becoming a battlefield.
Constricting (negative) feelings evaporate whenever they are looked at through the eyes of your Soul (compassion) and then to honestly dealt with responsibly. Often this process is gradual. The desire to function from your Soul and to live your life with peace of mind is the motivation for forgiving another of the negative impact they've had on you.
If you feel that forgiving adds one more grudging obligation to your life, you are functioning from your immature ego. Understanding that forgiveness is the doorway to your happiness is the choice to function from your Soul versus your immature ego.
When you are attacked by another, you must first deal with the hurt feelings that you honestly feel. Too many try to forgive without releasing their anger, disappointment and/or hurt. That mistake only represses these emotions and it eventually putrefies into resentment down the road.
A great habit to cultivate is to pause whenever you are having difficulty releasing a negative experience from your mind. Look directly and, in detail, at the contents of your thoughts. Explore your emotions. Step back from them for a moment and gain a new perspective. I highly recommend writing them down in a journal to gain clarity. And give yourself time to forgive, it doesn't have to be instantaneous. But more important is to set the intention of forgiving and letting go of this painful experience.
A person who claims they never feel hurt by others are not spiritually evolved, but more likely emotionally repressed.
To be spiritual, doesn't mean you have to like the ego of everyone that crosses your path, for you would quickly lose your individuality. A couple who never has occasional disagreements and arguments always means that someone in that relationship is selling themselves out and not being honest with their feelings. It's human nature to disagree from time-to-time. Loving somebody and letting go of someone's negative impact upon you are two completely different issues.
Steps to Forgiveness:
1. Release the charged emotions:
Take a legal pad and write at the top of the page, the person you wish to forgive. ( Me and My Anger Toward _________). Write out all your feelings about the situation that you are in process of forgiving. You can not write as fast as you think, therefore by writing down your thoughts you slow down your thinking and this enables you to tap into your subconscious mind where most people have repressed their feelings. Take some time to release the anger, hurt, frustration or any feelings you have from this experience. Take your time and feel your words as you write them down.
2. Forgive Yourself:
Close your eyes and relax. Mentally repeat, I forgive myself for allowing myself to be hurt/disappointed by this experience with _____________(person's name).
3. Express Your Feelings Meditatively:
Next, visualize yourself expressing your thoughts and feelings to the person you are forgiving. Let them know how much it has hurt you and how upset you are emotionally. If you are so angry you want to hit them, then do it (IMAGINATIVELY) and express yourself in your imagination and let yourself vent the pent up energy you're holding inside of you. Your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between something you imagine and something you actually do physically.
NOTE: Your intention is to release the buried feelings around this person and to forgive them. That is where the energy will flow towards. You will not be sending this person negative energy unless that is your intention.
4. Forgive Them:
With your eyes still closed, ask for help from your Soul and Spirit in letting go of the sense a sphere of light hovering above you and slowly coming down to touch the crown of your head. It is a warm healing light that begins to lower down into your body and surrounds you. and creates a safe environment for forgiveness. Visualize the person you wish to forgive, and see them inside the light. Mentally repeat, I forgive you for hurting/disappointing me in this way. Mentally reaffirm what you are forgiving them for. Then release them into the light.
When you finally understand that you can generate the healing of forgiveness, which you have been seeking outside of yourself you can become more of the master of your life. It will never happen until you take full responsibility for every facet of your life and your relationships with others. When you stop looking for love, security, and peace outside yourself, and find it within, you are finally set free, and the magic of forgiveness has worked it's spell.